I had a dream
It added itself to my memory
because I was caught
in the liminal space between consciousness
I dreamed
That you were with me
Saving me, or perhaps
Just on a journey with me
In the dream,
There was a hotel, where you
and I had to share a bed.
I know you don't sleep naked in real life
In this dream,
I was naked, too, and inevitably
we considered our naked bodies
meeting.
In this dream,
I was proud of myself
For standing up to myself
And to you
"Do you love me?"
"I do."
"Will this mean anything?"
A pause, "No." "Then no, I'm worth more than that." I wake up frustrated
For having denied myself pleasure and proud, for finally saying no.
I love you in more than dreams
I hate myself in reality
But I recognize
That I deserve better than what I have.
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